NewFNP was on her way to work today and was wondering why her steadily moving flow of traffic came to a grinding halt. When she got to the intersection, she saw a person laying in the road with a woman kneeling by her side. NewFNP stopped, noted the decent sized pool of blood under the woman's head and checked for a pulse. Thankfully, there was one and the woman was responsive. She waited until the paramedics -- the super hot paramedics -- arrived and basically put the ky-bosh on well-meaning bystanders trying to move the woman who had been hit by a truck.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
No Monday could be worse than last Monday when newFNP took one to the kisser.
Monday, December 13, 2010
NewFNP has had better days at work.
Monday, December 06, 2010
If there is one thing that newFNP sees very infrequently at work, it's white people. And today newFNP had a white hipster (subtype 70's-inspired) in her exam room.
Posted by newFNP at 8:56 PM
Sunday, December 05, 2010
As we all know, the DSM is getting a do-over. As the NYT pointed out today, narcissistic personality disorder is on the chopping block.
Posted by newFNP at 7:24 PM
Monday, November 29, 2010
The first time newFNP saw positive cerebellar findings in a chronic alcoholic, she thought that the patient had misunderstood her instructions. Not that rapid alternating movements (RAM) are so hard to describe, especially as newFNP always demonstrates said movements, but -- you know -- maybe the patient just missed the boat.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Once upon a time, when newFNP was a younger lady and a new MPH student, the most influential professor of her life taught her a valuable lesson: data are plural.
Posted by newFNP at 9:48 PM
Monday, November 08, 2010
One of newFNP's struggles is to work within a culture that is so utterly different from that of her own. Generally that manifests in requests for disability paperwork or in the dramatic vocalization of pain.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
It was placenta. The patient is fine albeit somewhat peeved.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
NewFNP deals with a lot of vaginal complaints. They generally run along the lines of itch, olfactory woes or a forgotten objet causing distress and/or one of the aforementioned concerns.
Friday, October 15, 2010
For five long years, there has been nothing that brings the quease to newFNP's stomach more than the very thought of removing a patient's ingrown toenail. NewFNP has used evasive maneuvers to avoid having to learn the procedure thus far, but now that she's signed on for another two years in the trenches (two months down --holla!!), she figured that she might as well jump in completely.
Posted by newFNP at 6:21 PM
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The New Yorker is tailor-freaking-made for newFNP this week. A Talk of the Town piece about Pavement (you can bet newFNP has her tickets!!), an article about FB, another about Tavi and an article about J. Crew!! When in the world will she find the time to watch Sons of Anarchy??
Monday, September 06, 2010
NewFNP's grandma is ninety-five. She has been demented for quite some time and this makes visits with her really difficult.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
NewFNP celebrated five years of being newFNP today by hitting an 8AM spin class -- her first spin class in a year. Yowza.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Remember the joy newFNP felt when she received her letter of completion from NHSC? Lord have mercy, she signed on for two more years. By the time newFNP finishes her loan repayment contract, she will have had seven crazy years at her community health clinic and $50,000 less debt.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, August 09, 2010
NewFNP is so excited to be away from clinic for a week. Why is taking care of people so exhausting? (And rewarding, of course, but still exhausting!)
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
NewFNP has long been fascinated by two behaviors she often notes as regular occurrences in her clinic.
Friday, July 02, 2010
To many of newFNP's patients, the human body is a big mystery. Perhaps because her patients have had limited access to medical care, they have fashioned DIY treatments for various ailments. Rubbing alcohol, of course, is the big savior, dematologically speaking. It's got a "cure for what ails ya" mystique amongst newFNP's patients. Tincture of violet is another go-to topical.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Just last week, newFNP was lamenting her Groundhog Day-like hum-drum clinical existence. A pap here, a diabetic med refill there. Nothing but the same old, same old. In fact, she thought that should an abscess walk in the door, she would not have the slightest recollection as to how to treat it.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
It has been just like Groundhog Day for newFNP. Stepping in the same puddle, getting annoyed by the same people and generally reliving the same thing day after day after day.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
NewFNP has had a wonderfully and oddly rewarding work week.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
If newFNP could stress one thing -- aside from the importance of clear skin and a cute wardrobe -- to students, it would be that one must learn to elicit and write down a decent medical history. It is very clinically challenging to have too little information and may go as far as to cause newFNP to call chronically poor documenters 'douchebags.'
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
NewFNP hasn't read the study herself, but as she was driving home today she heard a news story on NPR stating that use of Viagra may be associated with long-term hearing loss, as opposed to the sudden hearing loss that was previously known.
Posted by newFNP at 9:13 PM
Sunday, May 16, 2010
NewFNP sees a lot of mental illness in her practice, but it is mostly dysthymia and depression. There have been a couple of wildly positive Mood Disorder Questionnaires, of course, which are generally accompanied by such wild extremes of dress that conducting the MDQ seems almost superfluous.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
About a month ago, newFNP was lamenting the effects of hitting the bottle a bit too much. She had sent a gentleman to the emergency room, only to have him return - angry - with absolutely nothing done about his ascites. NewFNP has won him back over, has increased his Lasix and has serially monitored his bilirubin, albumin and weight. She gave him prenatal vitamins as that is the only type of vitamin available in her clinic. She gave him protein and salt guidelines.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
NewFNP has had one hell of a week and, if she is not mistaken, it is merely Wednesday.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
For the first time ever, newFNP was jealous of a patient's t-shirt today. This is not to say that she wasn't impressed by the "other bitches just front" t-shirt of some time ago, but newFNP -- ballsy as she is -- just does not have the sack to wear that t-shirt in public. Would they even let her in J. Crew?? Maybe in Barneys Co-op, but probably not J. Crew.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
NewFNP dodged a bullet today. Not literally, but technologically.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
NewFNP is no teetotaler. Hells to the bells no. But she does generally drink in moderation. Sure, she might have tied one on at the Liberty Hotel one night and fallen asleep while sitting on BostonCNM's couch while holding a glass of water, only to awake some time later -- cold, confused, wet and holding an empty glass. But those occasions are few and far between.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
NewFNP has four words for you people: Hot Tub Time Machine.
Saturday, April 03, 2010
NewFNP just returned home from her going away party held at the home of the medical director of the research clinic. She doesn't regret her decision to leave at all, but it sure as hell isn't easy.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
In the shadow of historic health care reform's bill signing, newFNP gently knocked on a patient's door prior to doing her physical exam.
Posted by newFNP at 7:03 AM
Thursday, March 18, 2010
NewFNP had a bullcrap day at clinic. Sometimes that happens - no big whoop.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
It is preferable that when new patients come to the clinic, newFNP is (A) on time, (B) fashionable and (C) attentive. Thanks to her super cute new not-even-on-the-website-yet JCrew top, she was quite fashionable. Thanks to her caring nature, she was attentive. On time, however, remains an elusive trait for newFNP in her professional life -- ironic in that newFNP is pathologically early in every other aspect of her life.
Friday, February 26, 2010
NewFNP needs her head examined.
She gave notice at her research position and is going back to full-time community health. It's not as crazy as it sounds, she supposes. NewFNP has been spending a lot of time lately thinking about what kind of FNP she wants to be. (This is certainly something that her name brand nursing school did not teach.) High atop that list is that newFNP wants to be a community health practitioner. There certainly is a pride one feels when working in and for an underserved community.
NewFNP also wants to be a good teacher, a supportive listener, a knowledgeable medical practitioner, the type of person who says yes more often than she has in the past. This may be far more than newFNP can realistically achieve, but it is important to articulate and strive towards one's goals.
As such, starting early April, newFNP will be back in the thick of it. She hopes that she won't burn out so quickly this time around and that she'll have a lot of interesting tales to share.
That being said, she will miss working for her brilliant and hilarious research physician and her talented and creative research assistant. It is so hard to let people down.
Posted by newFNP at 2:38 PM
Monday, February 15, 2010
NewFNP was at the gym yesterday, reading the NYT whilst stationery biking. It's not her favorite workout, but yesterday was a day during which newFNP had to kill two birds with one stone. Thus, NYT and exercise together -- it's like church for newFNP.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
NewFNP realized that she censors herself and that is so weak. So fuck it, let's talk about poverty.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
NewFNP's mom died twenty-two years ago today so after a busy day at clinic, newFNP was feeling a little gloomy on the quiet ride home.
Posted by newFNP at 5:29 PM
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
NewFNP had a completely fucking bizarro day at clinic today.