Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Potty mouth

NewFNP had a completely fucking bizarro day at clinic today.


For starters, her first two patients -- both new to clinic, of course -- had schizophrenia. The second one also had a wonky eye.

Then there was the chlamydia patient -- the first chlamydia of the day. The first patient was pretty normal. However, he had genital warts that were growing in perfect projectile symmetry on either side of the glans, conjuring images of a caterpillar. NewFNP is a sucker for symmetry and, in fact, has a real aesthetic bias against asymmetry and has, frankly, never seen warts grow in such mirror images of each other in non-touching skin.

Then she had a syphilis patient and began to wonder if she had stumbled into the mental health/STD clinic.

Then she saw what felt like another 7 million patients when she came across her second chlamydia patient of the day: a 17-year old primigravida who is 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant and who had her first prenatal visit last week. Can newFNP interest you in Azithromycin?? Open wide.

Then she saw five other patients when her clinic manager and the brand new RN came in at 5:15 and asked if she would please see another patient, to which newFNP replied, "You have got to be fucking kidding me." And then she saw two more patients.

NewFNP's mouth is absolutely going to get her in trouble one day. She needs to reign it in. In her defense, however, newFNP did not have even a 10 minute break today. She peed once and texted a patient her lab results from the bathroom.

What newFNP really needs is to work in a high-functioning community health clinic with the gestalt of a tattoo shop. Barring that, though, she really should learn to just shut the eff up.

2 comments:

minority midwife said...

I don't think you need to hold your tongue at all!

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