Monday, September 06, 2010

Mondays with Grandma

NewFNP's grandma is ninety-five. She has been demented for quite some time and this makes visits with her really difficult.

But lately, her health has been worse and, conversely, her cognition has been clearer. It's a gift to newFNP, but makes newFNP wonder how much longer she has. Last Monday, newFNP was snuggling with her and crying when her grandma pointedly and caringly said, "Honey, I don't want you to cry for me."

Today, newFNP was holding her hand when her grandma looked into her eyes, tears rolling down her smooth cheeks and said, "It's too hard to... it's too hard to..."

NewFNP said asked her what was too hard, even though she knew.

"It's too hard to say goodbye," her grandma whispered and then closed her eyes.

And it is. It is a fucking nightmare to say goodbye to someone you love so dearly, ninety-five years old or not. As her grandma slept, newFNP spent hours quietly sharing memories, offering words of peace and watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest. She held her hand and kissed her forehead before she left for the evening.


Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

yes, it is incredibly hard to say good-bye. It will be painful for some time too, live the pain, write the experience, mourn the loss.

NP Odyssey said...

I remember you talking about her in the past and she is lucky to have you.
We all have our way of dealing with these kinds of family situations, and being in the healthcare field does not make it any easier.
Stay strong, thoughts and prayers to your Grandmother

Serena said...

I love it when you post about your grandma. She's a sturdy bird! Just looked back at your post "Always have and always will."

Thanks for doing what you do and writing it out.

indeazgirl said...

You made me cry! Grandma's are the best. Especially when they are 95.