Friday, January 04, 2008

If the shoe fits

If newFNP didn't have photographic documentation of herself salsa dancing and Corona-drinking in a far-far-away city a mere five evenings ago, she would swear that she had been trapped in her urban community health clinic Gulag for ages.

NewFNP wants to storm into the packed waiting room and scream: People! Let's band together and stop this nonsense! You have a cold? Go home! You have diabetes and ate a doughnut, a tamale and a double mocha frappuccino before your appointment? You're fired!

And those would be the easy cases. Today, newFNP's cases were not so.

Influenza? Check.

Child sexual abuse? Check.

Crying overweight ladies (plural) who don't want to have sex with their husbands? Check. (Prayer - please, please, please do not let newFNP ever fall into this group!!)

Parent who cannot name her child's apparently chronic, perhaps genetic, illness? Check.

NewFNP is not a parent, but if she were, she is pretty sure that if her child had some inborn error of metabolism or some genetic defect, she would at the very least have the wherewithal to write down the name of the fucking thing on a sticky pad. This would hold true even if newFNP were not an FNP. If newFNP were a fancy nail salon girl or a go-go dancer or even a rodeo clown, she would know enough to learn the name of the condition. Even more so if she herself had undergone genetic testing and had some genetic-something or other, as her patient's mom had.

When one spends nine years in post-secondary education, one's bar for normal intelligence is so absurdly skewed. Friends, newFNP is living 'regression to the mean' and this lady was at least two standard deviations below! NewFNP thought that everyone was like herself and her super-education friends.

Wrong. Oh sweet Lord, how wrong she was.

NewFNP hates to just chalk it up to 'stupid,' but sometimes the shoe fits. Can newFNP write "Mom not so bright" in the progress note? It only seems fair to give the next provider fair warning.

3 comments:

est said...

hi! i simply love reading ur blog entries. i wish i will be a nurse practitioner someday meanwhile ur entries on ur fucked up days are just too real- brings a smile to my sucked up day everytime! =)

by: PM, SN said...

Excellent post..I can only imagine that if you enjoy this sort of thing, then you're committed to raising that average level of intelligence.

A friend of mine once told me: "you know how dumb the average person is? Statistically, by definition, half the people are even dumber than that!" Something to ponder, definitely.

One thing i love about the nursing profession is that it's scope is practically limitless, using whatever it can to improve health outcomes, be it teaching, a technique or a song.

People are endlessly entertaining, aren't they?

by: PM, SN said...

Also: How did you get Digg tags next to your post? That's hawt