Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Community Health Ink

Long before newFNP was newFNP, she worked at a little county health department in the city where she completed her undergraduate studies. One patron of the health department was a fellow who had his face tattooed. He didn't have anything specific, just a lot of black ink obscuring his face. The effect screamed both "mental illness" and "don't talk to me - I am dangerous." Perhaps this was like a warning to would-be interlopers. It worked on newFNP; she never talked to the dude.

NewFNP has seen her fair share of hideous tattoos at her clinic. Bad butterflies, homages to dead loved ones, gang affiliations and plenty of crosses and dots in the web of the hand between the index finger and thumb which newFNP presumes to indicate gang membership or a history of incarceration.

However, there are some tattoos that just burn an indelible image in one's mind. Could anyone forget the image of the masturbating lady proudly displayed on the leg of one of newFNP's young patients? His mother must have been so proud. Imagine newFNP's surprise when a second patient had a strikingly similar tattoo! She had no idea there was such a market for these forays into the repulsive and permanent.

Well, Dr. Dual-Ivy-League-Degrees had a patient today who may have held the gold medal in repulsive tattoos. Apparently, this chap had a lady - naked, of course - tattooed on his abdomen, legs spread widely and intersecting at his umbilicus thereby allowing his belly button to form her anus. Classy and thoughtful! It must take a real talent to envision the design and then make it come to fruition without giving the lady one leg shorter than the other or some other such defect. Good thing the guy didn't have an outie! That would just be gross.

NewFNP presumes that these guys are straight as she knows no gay men who objectify women in this way. But what newFNP can't quite wrap her mind around is who exactly are the women who have sex with these guys? How low can one's self esteem get?

It is rare that newFNP sees women with such patently offensive tattoos, but she does recall one woman with a tattooed necklace that reads "Fuck niggaz and money" in two-inch script. More sad than offensive, really - at least in newFNP's eyes. NewFNP wonders who has screwed over this woman so incredibly that she thought to permanently emblazon her chest with this statement. Any newFNP doesn't quite understand the 'money' part. Apparently, this woman does not have six-figure student loan debt to repay.

And a final question: who does these tattoos? Perhaps they could do us all a favor and be trash collectors or dog catchers or captains of industry, huh?


Anonymous said...

In my experience, "niggaz" is referring only to black men who treat women like dogs.

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought about writing a book or something? You're hilarious, to say the least.

OBRNinNE said...


Have you seen this yet? Some of the best/worst ink around...though none top the ones you've seen

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