Monday, December 17, 2007

The saga continues

Cocoa Brown is fucking crazy.

When newFNP returned to work and asked Dr. Dual-Ivy-League-Degrees if Cocoa had returned to clinic for her syphilis treatment, she stated that she had and proceeded to recount a story that put Cocoa Brown into a special kind of crazy league. NewFNP is not talking about the kind of crazy that causes you to feel that it's appropriate for your BFF to check out your herpetic labia or the kind of crazy that remarks con gusto about vaginal odors. No, this is a new kind of crazy.

One might call this kind of crazy "felonious."

Apparently, when CB learned of her multiple STI diagnosis, she confronted her new partner, a wise and responsible move all in all. That is where wisdom and responsibility end and crazy as fuck enters. CB's partner, upon learning of her HSV infection, informed her that herpes was not likely to be the only infection that she had and that she had better check in with her doctor.

At this point, Cocoa Brown understandably lost her shit. Who wouldn't? One would assume that words such as "motherfucking asshole shitlicker" and "son of a bitch piece of shit no good dog-humper" would be employed, that voices would assume a fever pitch, that the sensation of imminent explosion resulting from extreme anger would be palpable.

One would not expect, however, that Cocoa Brown would attack her disrespectful partner with a 2x4 that had exposed nails with such vigor that he was hospitalized, but that is in fact just what happened. According to newFNP's colleague, she seemed not at all disturbed by this.

CB went on to explain to Dr. Dual-Ivy-League-Degrees that she had previously been incarcerated for prostitution and "other things." What could those be, newFNP wonders? Aggravated assault? Assault with a deadly weapon? Jaywalking? Furthermore, Cocoa is apparently treated for mental illness.

Just a hunch, here, but newFNP thinks that she might need a med adjustment.

10 comments:

estlxlan said...

u might want to be careful with her too!

Elisa Evans said...

Ahhh, better than a soap opera! I'm hooked! Cocoa Brown, 1pm on NBC, check your local listings. Makes me almost want to give up cushy rich people private practice for public /clinic health ;-)

SuperBean said...

Holy fuck!
Not unanticipated, but daaammmmmnnnnn...

Anonymous said...

no charges were pressed? no police report? could the sti infections be from previous partners?

Loving Pecola said...

Hmmm or maybe she isn't crazy...just mad as fuck. If someone purposely gave me some shit I'm not sure that I wouldn't react the same way. He ain't dead, just...*hurt*...and I think he came out good, considering. LMAO

And I don't think you're at risk for a damn thing from this patient, she probably couldn't care less about you or dualdegree doc. As they said, she is unaffected.

LP

BostonFNP said...

Sweet... I didn't see that one coming!

OBRNinNE said...

LOL...I feel your pain...though all of our pts from the clinics are women, we are also a busy urban center where it sometimes feels like no one has private insurance...i think our rate is probably more like 50%. I love the blog!

Nurse Practitioners Save Lives said...

Like Superbean said.... DAMN!!!!!!!

Birdsword said...

I love the name Cocoa Brown! and your writing is hysterical!

Anonymous said...

You use a lot of vulgar language, especially when talking about your mom. That's far from a professional FNP