Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Go Bruits!

NewFNP knows a thing or two.

For instance, she knows that she should not wear black trousers with brown shoes, even if the shoes are Sigerson Morrison and cute as hell. She knows that grown men should not wear bikini underpants. In fact, if she were pressed, newFNP would assert that no men - regardless of age - should wear bikini underpants. Not even George Clooney. Because if there is anything that could render an otherwise ridiculously handsome and obviously virile man pathetically unattractive, it's bikini underpants.

NewFNP also knows that when one auscultates a carotid artery, it should not sound like there is a frigging Harley Davidson Chopper racing through at breakneck speed. And it sure as shit should not be happening on both sides. No, the finding of bilateral rumbling carotid bruits is undesirable. In concert with a fasting glucose of 392 and a BP of 204/90, it makes newFNP's eyes glaze over and forces her to consider a career as a nail salon girl. In an upscale salon, of course.

If newFNP were to adopt a "half-full" approach, she would be gratified to observe how well one can look and for how long one can push on while one's blood supply to the head is compromised.

What's that, you say? You're dizzy? No shit.

The reason that newFNP's is able to observe just how long a person can survive with said pathophysiology is that this patient, like so many others, is uninsured. Sure, when she went to the ED after passing out in her chair for no apparent reason and newFNP called the attending physician to give a little carotid bruit heads up, one would think that this patient would have exited the hospital with, oh, let's say having had a duplex ultrasonography and an MRA. One would be wrong.

NewFNP sent off the referrals today. Frankly, until this lady gets health insurance, newFNP is not hopeful that her condition, which clearly warrants an urgent evaluation, will be so.

Did newFNP mention that this patient is 57 years old? Not exactly a spry fifty-seven.

1 comment:

Jim and Christine Jordan said...

new fnp email me. Want to see you at Christmas will you be in town? jjordan@sanjuan.edu