Monday, October 29, 2007


NewFNP is no Dr. Ruth, but she does pretty much accept that the most important body part in many a man's life is his penis. No big surprise there.

So when a 50-something year old guy presents to clinic with the chief complaint of the old johnson not working, newFNP is generally willing to help a dude out. She does, however, want to know why said johnson might be flying at half mast.

Thus, the history. Onset? Two weeks ago. Taking any meds? No. Any known health problems? No. Hmm, not much there. Glucose is normal. Chest pain? Maybe a little this morning, but none now. Next up, EKG.

This is where it gets interesting. It's not so often that one catches a guy in the middle of an M.I. but one might think to delve further into this possibility when one's EKG shows both ST elevation and T-wave inversion. When newFNP brought up this likely scenario, her patient noted that he had, in fact, been diagnosed with an M.I. a mere three days ago in the emergency department. He received some medications, but wasn't taking them because he didn't trust the doctors there.

Didn't think to bring that up, did you pal?

Well, buddy, newFNP won't be bringing your penis up with a Viagra prescription since you are actively infarcting. Now, take an aspirin and high-tail it back to the ED, would ya?

Maybe we should all take a lesson from Harlequin romance novels and embrace the notion that if you take care of the heart, my friend, generally the penis will follow.

Unless, that is, you've decroded its blood supply with Gatorade, tortillas and Sugar Babies.

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