Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Now boarding

There are several ways in which patients can endear themselves to newFNP.

For instance, they might express heartfelt thanks for the care they've received. They might tell newFNP how young she looks when, in fact, she is not.

Most endearing of all, they might be funny as shit in the exam room.

NewFNP's first patient of the day hit the ball out of the park when she did all three and started newFNP's first post-move work day off right!

Now, newFNP knows that it is through the magic of Nars that she looked so youthful this morning. Who the fuck wouldn't look youthful with a fresh sweeping of Sin blush across the apples of one's cheeks? However, beyond her welcome flattery, this patient was truly grateful for the care she received and expressed her gratitude freely.

It was not, however, the flattery or the gratitude which endeared this patient so profoundly to newFNP. No, it was the fact that she was the funniest historian newFNP has encountered, hands down.

This patient, a woman in her fifties, came in with a chief complaint of vaginal discharge - already one can appreciate the potential for humor in the face of a not-so-humorous condition if you are the patient. This discharge, according to newFNP's patient, had "set her back." NewFNP had never heard that turn of phrase in this context before. She is more familiar with its use in the context of something along the lines of "That new Miu Miu purse set newFNP back a car payment!" So, when evaluated in that context, newFNP understood that the discharge was significant.

NewFNP's patient went on to give newFNP details of the discharge, such as the fact that it was malodorous enough to warrant "a hell of a scrub" before coming to the clinic. In addition, it was copious enough to require the use of feminine protection.

Now, newFNP's patient had a hysterectomy some years ago and, as a result, was unfamiliar with the decades-old advances in pantyliner technology. She stated that she had purchased some pantyliners but, upon running out, could not afford another box and borrowed some pantyliners from her daughter.

"Those damn things look like an airplane! I ain't never seen a pantyliner like that - it had wings!"

Superfluous information? Sure. Welcome? Fuck yeah.



Anonymous said...

Hah, you are too funny! I luv your sense of humor.

BostonFNP said...

Love, love it.