Sunday, November 11, 2007

A little help here, please.

NewFNP has been living in her major metropolitan area for over two years. She, for the majority of that time, has had a boyfriend. She has now been single for approximately four months. She has had not one date.

OK, sure, her dating life was theoretically complicated by the fact that she and her Punjabi ex-boyfriend were still living together, but that apparently would have made absolutely no difference whatsoever.

NewFNP was pondering her sad state of affairs when a young woman came to newFNP's clinic on Thursday, in need of some help with her lady business. You see, she had moved from Texas three weeks ago and now was having vaginal discomfort. Three weeks! That was all it took for this lady to get both a boyfriend and an STI.

Seriously folks, three weeks? Granted, newFNP would rather keep her downstairs free from the utter mess that she saw in this woman's vag, but for Pete's sake! Three. Frigging. Weeks.

There are many things that newFNP does not understand in this world. For instance, why does newFNP's front desk staff continually allow patients to be roomed without charts when they have appointments for follow-up? How does someone move from another fucking state and have an immediate, albeit undesirable, hook-up? Why is Designs Within Reach so named? How is a $3000 Le Corbusier cowhide lounge chair within reach? A little off topic, sure, but something about which newFNP has spent many hours considering.

In case any newFNP readers were curious as to the state in which newFNP lives, that state is celibacy and newFNP needs a change of venue!

3 comments:

auto ninja said...

You're going to the wrong bars!

Come on. Do you really want to be hooking up with what the Texan was hooked up with?

newFNP said...

Of course newFNP does not want a low-quality hook up. She was merely pointing out her astonishment with the short amount of time in which her new patient found a paramour.

Marty said...

Perhaps newFNP has higher standards than 3weeksintown.

I am a psych RN and sometimes I am jelous when my patients have a hookup and I do not. Then I remember that their hookups are other psych patients. I do not want to have someone in my life with more baggage than I have. As a new psych NP student, I still have my books, right?