Thursday, May 29, 2008

NewFNP's fantasy letter of resignation

Forgive the lapse into first person.


Dear Medical Director and Other Pertinent Senior Managers,

It is with absolute joy that I, newFNP, submit to you my letter of resignation.  Hooray!  To quote a decreasingly relevant but still important songstress, "Holiday-ay [oh yeah, oh yeah], celebray-ate [come on, let's celebrate]!"

I see that you are scratching your heads wondering why I, newFNP, may be leaving.  Is it the unreasonable workload, you may be asking?  It is not.  Is it the lack of support staff in the clinic? Not that either.  Is it the incessant drama?  Alas, I have grown immune to it.  Is it the working through lunch almost every day?  No, in fact, I, newFNP, think of that as part of my calorie restriction plan!  

Is it the fact that, despite our mutual agreement that adults with chronic diseases should have thirty minutes allotted for physicals, they continue to have fifteen minutes and I, newFNP, am expected to take good care of them in that time frame?  Ditto for new prenatals and IUD insertions.  No, I have begrudgingly accepted that I must see another patient faster in order to have a longer time with the more demanding patients.  I, newFNP, am a natural-born problem solver!  

Is it the fact that I, newFNP, earn $15,000 less per annum than the provider who referred the patient with the markedly enlarged prostate to nephrology?  I know, I know, I am not supposed to know the salaries of other providers but - guess what?  I do, and that still is not the reason I, newFNP, am leaving.  Is it the fact that, despite having brought concerns to you all several times, only to have you nod empathically and promise to address these aforementioned concerns, you do nothing?  Amazingly, no.  

As you can see, I, newFNP, am willing to put up with a shitload of crapola because I am a schmuck and committed to community health!  So you can go ahead and pile this dump-truck of crap on me and I, newFNP will stay!  I do not expect that you will thank me, only that I will receive my bi-weekly paycheck.  I must admit that you have unfailingly delivered in this!  I wonder if you laugh when you see how many hours I, newFNP, have worked for the amount of money you pay me?  Not that it matters.  As I have already noted, I am not leaving over paltry concerns such as salary.

No, I am leaving because you continue to fuck up my schedule.  That's right.  After almost three years of employment, you continue to change my day off and have appeared to have settled on Tuesday.  Well guess what?  No thank you, Sirs and Madams.  I understand that so-and-so has school and so-and-so has another job and so-and-so never works Saturdays.  Because I, newFNP, have demonstrated flexibility in the past, I see that you saw fit to take advantage of that yet again.  Why should I ever have doubted you?  You are a consistent bunch, after all!  Consistent in screwing up my schedule!

No hard feelings, eh?  

Taking this job and shoving it, fondly of course.



NewFNP is clear that she cannot say this to her supervisors, but she is unsure why they are so unfailingly unrealistic.  Is it wrong to hate them?  NewFNP thinks not.  Is it, after all, the natural order of things.

Tuesdays off?  Didn't we already go through this with the last inept scheduler?  

NewFNP is nothing but a hater tonight.  Not even a delicious homemade meal of sesame-encrusted seared ahi with organic broccoli and rosemary fingerling potatoes could extinguish her fiery distaste of her clinic and its retarded scheduling.  


bradley said...

you poor thing. how frustrating it must be for you. as a futureFNP my jaw drops when reading most of your postings, but I feel special pangs of sympathy when you report being underappreciated. it seems so unfair. hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, alas poor Bradley. Soon your jaw will drop as you feel pangs of sympathy for yourself, if you go into community health that is. Amen sister.
Only, I did resign. My medical director thinks I'm joining the enemy. All I know is that the enemy pays $20,000 more per year, offers the same CEU/PTO etc, and will pay me for EVERY hour I work. Good bye FQHC, Hello Minute Clinic.

Red CRNP said...

I have Tuesdays off too. It sucks. And I work in a private family practice.

*shaking head*

Anonymous said...

You said it. We put up with a bunch of crap from our jobs, but scheduling is one thing that'll make or break us!

erin said...

I totally hear you! My clinic too messes with my schedule weekly and when I want to take a vacation (God forbid!) I am told "I'm not sure..." for months as I cover for others' vacations. Sucks.

NewFNP2 said...

Wow. I wish I would have found this yesterday when I resigned from my community health clinic (FQHC). It pretty much sums up how I feel and why I left my job. Onward and upward!

Medic man said...

As a healthcare worker myself, I'm not surprised the healthcare field uses NP's. Hence the cost savings and all but really a Nurse Practitioner is no MD. I have yet to see a NP not screw up a script. Np are just nurses! they are not trained as MD's they are nurses. The Hr.s your working are bad, hmm i guess people should only get sick from 9a-5p
As time goes on more and more people are realizing that a NP is in now way an MD, just over paid Rn's!

HoustonFNP said...

Contrary to your belief Medic Man, NP's LOVE NURSING. & aren't trying or WANTING to be doctors!

Unknown said...

Haha Medic, what do you have to say to an ICU Intensivist NP? I take care of the sickest of the sick, and I do much of it without ever having to consult my attendings, though they are there and great resources. You are a medic, necessary for sure, but have zero knowledge regarding being an NP. the hous many NPs get upset about is the extra BS charting at home. On the contrary, we enjoy taking care of the sick, even when it inconveniences us. I happen to work 15 hour shifts from 5p-8a. I guess those would be considered the other hours you think we believe we are too good to work. Oh, and by the way, I have doctors defer to my critical care expertise often because they know it is what I do, and their patients are in better hands. That is just the same as I defer to the "ologist" specialists we consult for further input.