Forgive the lapse into first person.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Dear Medical Director and Other Pertinent Senior Managers,
It is with absolute joy that I, newFNP, submit to you my letter of resignation. Hooray! To quote a decreasingly relevant but still important songstress, "Holiday-ay [oh yeah, oh yeah], celebray-ate [come on, let's celebrate]!"
I see that you are scratching your heads wondering why I, newFNP, may be leaving. Is it the unreasonable workload, you may be asking? It is not. Is it the lack of support staff in the clinic? Not that either. Is it the incessant drama? Alas, I have grown immune to it. Is it the working through lunch almost every day? No, in fact, I, newFNP, think of that as part of my calorie restriction plan!
Is it the fact that, despite our mutual agreement that adults with chronic diseases should have thirty minutes allotted for physicals, they continue to have fifteen minutes and I, newFNP, am expected to take good care of them in that time frame? Ditto for new prenatals and IUD insertions. No, I have begrudgingly accepted that I must see another patient faster in order to have a longer time with the more demanding patients. I, newFNP, am a natural-born problem solver!
Is it the fact that I, newFNP, earn $15,000 less per annum than the provider who referred the patient with the markedly enlarged prostate to nephrology? I know, I know, I am not supposed to know the salaries of other providers but - guess what? I do, and that still is not the reason I, newFNP, am leaving. Is it the fact that, despite having brought concerns to you all several times, only to have you nod empathically and promise to address these aforementioned concerns, you do nothing? Amazingly, no.
As you can see, I, newFNP, am willing to put up with a shitload of crapola because I am a schmuck and committed to community health! So you can go ahead and pile this dump-truck of crap on me and I, newFNP will stay! I do not expect that you will thank me, only that I will receive my bi-weekly paycheck. I must admit that you have unfailingly delivered in this! I wonder if you laugh when you see how many hours I, newFNP, have worked for the amount of money you pay me? Not that it matters. As I have already noted, I am not leaving over paltry concerns such as salary.
No, I am leaving because you continue to fuck up my schedule. That's right. After almost three years of employment, you continue to change my day off and have appeared to have settled on Tuesday. Well guess what? No thank you, Sirs and Madams. I understand that so-and-so has school and so-and-so has another job and so-and-so never works Saturdays. Because I, newFNP, have demonstrated flexibility in the past, I see that you saw fit to take advantage of that yet again. Why should I ever have doubted you? You are a consistent bunch, after all! Consistent in screwing up my schedule!
No hard feelings, eh?
Taking this job and shoving it, fondly of course.
NewFNP is clear that she cannot say this to her supervisors, but she is unsure why they are so unfailingly unrealistic. Is it wrong to hate them? NewFNP thinks not. Is it, after all, the natural order of things.
Tuesdays off? Didn't we already go through this with the last inept scheduler?
NewFNP is nothing but a hater tonight. Not even a delicious homemade meal of sesame-encrusted seared ahi with organic broccoli and rosemary fingerling potatoes could extinguish her fiery distaste of her clinic and its retarded scheduling.