Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Guiding Light

In newFNP's dreams, her clinic would utilize the in-speculum pap light.  What a world of difference those lights make.  

Alas, despite her pleas, newFNP's clinic employs the bulky swan-neck pap light and right now newFNP's clinic is experiencing an epidemic of pap light demise.  The storage closet is a pap light graveyard.  Is it simply an issue of a burned out bulb?  Did the lights just collectively decide to throw in the towel after years of vag lighting?  NewFNP doesn't know, but what she does know is that she needs to put some light on the subject when it's pappy time.  

Twice today, newFNP sat down on her rolly stool and went to grab the light only to discover that it wasn't in its corner.  (One may wonder what this says about newFNP's powers of observation that she was already ready to roll before she noticed that the light wasn't there.)

The first time, newFNP tasked her MA to scrounge up a light.  

The second time, newFNP said "fuck it," put the speculum in place and grabbed the otoscope from the wall, aimed it towards the center and identified the cervix.  After all, it's not as though the vagina is some vast cavern and one needs some type of spelunking light by which to guide the journey.  The anatomy basically regresses to the mean.  Thankfully, her patient today was no anatomical outlier.

NewFNP is nothing if not handy in a pinch.   


Beth said...

the worst is when a clinic literally uses goose neck floor lamps... glorified desk lamps that cover the entire view field and make anything but the most simple procedure impossible.

Our clinic's clip on table lamps have had another issue other then burn out/disappearance, obese patients use them as an assistance device to rise from supine position (much to my dismay and despite my multiple warnings that "that light is not a handle"), and therefore, the lights no longer remain in any position desired, but instead, move of their own free will in the most awkward moments. I have done SO many IUD inserts and paps while holding the light in place with my forehead :

ahhhhh....commmunity health...what a joy.

ps....we did get two of those nice in speculum lights from a rep once, but they were both stolen within a week.

Anonymous said...

If you haven't already, could you write some posts about how you decided to do the accelerated Nurse Practitioner over doing the accelerated BSN program? Is it worth the extra time and cost? Is your salary much higher?

Also, you may consider organizing your posts by labeling them under different categories. That way, readers, and yourself, can be more efficient in perusing your wonderful blog.

Anonymous said...

One example of a blog with topics/categories is The Ranch.


newFNP said...

Great suggestion -- done!

BostonFNP said...

Oh Lord, the in-exam room lighting situation. We also have the large-as-the-sun goose neck lamps, which swivel on their base, free of reason or direction. Like Beth, I have had to utilize my forehead, nose, chin as guiding devices to help keep the light shining at the intended target. We had the speculum lights for 2 weeks until someone, unsure which lovely government organization, deemed them unsanitary and so, they went the way of the dumpster. The blessed lighted speculum will forever remain a dream that I will continue to wish for.

Anonymous said...

is everyone using plastic speculums? i just have such an issue with the waste that i prefer the old timey metal ones, even if the light situation is silly at best.

Abby said...

I bet your graveyard of pap lamps exists because its seen so much CEPHALUS! That can be wearing after a while. P.S. LOVE your blog, I'm just starting NP school and I thoroughly enjoy your humor!

Anonymous said...

our clinic uses little "glow sticks" that you shake and stick to the inside of the plastic speculum...never need to worry about a burned out bulb ever again!