Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Pet Peeves

There are a few things that turns newFNP off during the clinical encounter. And I'm not talking about all the patients who ask me about my marital status.

Nope, I mean the ones who open the door and stare at me when I'm reading another patient's chart in the hallway. Estimada paciente, do not go back into your room and leave the door open while waiting for me. Read the thoughtful en espanol educational materials that I have photocopied on cheerfully-colored paper on my own time and that will offer helpful suggestions to help you lose 30 [read: 50] pounds. I hate that you continue to stare at me while I read your chart in the hallway so as to garner a shred of an idea as to why you might be visiting me. I understand that you are waiting a long time for me. I promise that I'll be in ASAP. Now shut the damned door.

But even more than the patient-imposed open door policy, newFNP gets all bunched up when, after opening the door, she sees the patient perched on the rolling stool. I'm telling all y'all motherfuckers that I have two graduate degrees, a stethoscope and a white coat. I have earned the rolly stool. Who doesn't know that the rolly stool is for the one who writes the prescriptions? Move it, buster. If it's a kid, I let it slide because - hey- the rolly stool is fun. But adults get no love from newFNP is they steal the stool.

Why is newFNP so lame as to even give a fuck if the patient wants the rolly stool? A) It's a safety thing. I am positioning myself closest to the door in case you are a weird-o or mentally disturbed like the guy who stabbed Carter on 'ER'. B) I don't want to sit in the regular chair. Period. C) The rolly stool is mine. D) Respect. It's silly, but it seems disrespectful somehow. I'm sure it's not intentional but nonetheless, you go to your seat and I'll go to mine.

End of story.


Anonymous said...

I thought of on last Thursday when a father was sitting in my rooly chair. I was not pleased. He then put the litle tike in the rolly chair (moron) and she proceeded to fall off of it. All this while I had to exam mom, and then I sat it the little seat that was for the child. I thought of you again and then decided. NO ONE GETS MY SEAT ANYMORE!

Anonymous said...

How funny! I have no attachment to the rolling chair per se, but for God's sake, let me have a chair! For example, I walk into the room and find my patient in the appropriate chair and her son (who is translating, as my spanish is limited to tiene dolor?) sitting in the rolling chair. I am left to stand and lean over the exam table. This happens to me all the time and I don't have the balls to say anything...

Dave FNP said...

Just ask for the seat. That's what I do, and I've never had a problem. I do it nicely, even if I am pissed at them.