Friday, January 06, 2006

A Cure for the Obesity Epidemic

I've got it. It's a plan that will never come to fruition, but one I think has the potential to be quite effective. No, it's not the removal of sodas and Taco Bell, Golden Arches,Burger King and vending machines from schools. It's not more exercise or daily P.E. in schools. It's not 'you'll get Type 2 diabetes and have hypertension and dyslipidemia, all predisposing you to a big old MI.' Those are good ideas, by the way, great ideas even, but my proposed campaign is meant to have a visceral response, striking at the very core of insecurities all over the world.

(I love hyperbole.)

It's fair to say that all people have some degree of interest in their genitals, right? I mean, we have penis pumps, Brazilian waxes thanks to those evil J Sisters, circumcision, female circumcision as well as various nether-region accoutrement. Men can't stop touching their goods from infanthood until, well, until they die I guess. This obsession is the basis for my campaign.

My idea is this: let's raise the awareness of the 'hidden penis' and the 'fat vagina.'

I mean, does any guy want to exchange his average penis for a huge pannus? It's not even a fair trade!

And ladies have labiaplasty in order to have a perfect genital portrait. Not my patients, but I've seen the advertisements and if plastic surgeons can play off vag insecurity, then so can public health. So don't get a huge vag!

And after this awareness raising campaign, we can transition back to the more traditional interventions. It's worth a shot. The other methods sure as hell aren't working very well.

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