Friday, December 09, 2005

When TV is the cure

Cold & flu season has struck my clinic and, as newFNP has up to date information on the latest and greatest treatment guidelines, I would like to offer these words of advice to all of the patients streaming in and out of my clinic with body aches, fever and malaise: stay the fuck home. Watch some Daily Shows that you have TiVo'd. Check out reruns of CHiPs or Dos Mujeres, Un Camino. For the love of god, sleep - but do not expose me, my staff and my patients with pneumonia, diabetes and asthma to whatever you have brewing! And quit asking me for antibiotics. You're not getting any.

It's not that newFNP doesn't sympathize with how crappy one feels when one has the flu. It's just that a guiding principle of public health is to reduce one's exposure to potentially hazardous conditions. Your partner's herpes are acting up? I can't think of a better time to abstain. Granny has a touch of the TB? Don't share a non-ventilated close space with her.

But, you see, this goes both ways. If you know that your penis is leaking green discharge and you need to take a percocet in order to pee, don't hit up your special lady or fella for sweet lovin'. And if you are fluish, please have the courtesy of limiting your exposure to others. Sure, your family will suffer, but does that mean the entire community must as well?

Oh, and if your penis is leaky, that is a perfect time to hit up the clinic for antibiotics. We'd gladly give you a Rocephin injection! With Lidocaine and everything.

1 comment:

Percocet Side Effects said...

My name is Monica Stone and i would like to show you my personal experience with Percocet.

I am 35 years old. Have been on Percocet for 7 days now. It did help the pain but the side effects weren't worth it. I'd rather have the pain.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
nausea, very itchy, racing heart, anxiety, flashing lights(almost hallucinogenic?), weird dreams, tiredness

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Monica Stone