Wednesday, December 28, 2005


NewFNP is tired today. When newFNP is tired, newFNP is pissy and easily frustrated. It's a familiar rant - the one I am about to share - but a rant I continue to feel the need to express nontheless.

If you are nearly 300 pounds, with a BP of 191/106 and a glucose of 425, don't fucking tell me that you are on motherfucking Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers or that you are Sweating to the Oldies. Just tell me that you had a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger for breakfast and that you might just have a repeat for lunch, extra mayo and a large fries. Do not blow sunshine up newFNP's ass, especially sleepy newFNP. Because newFNP will hate you.

Part of the problem with being newFNP is that, as newFNP, you like to get straight A's & maybe one B in some bullshit class. Well, when you are my uncontrolled diabetic and hypertensive patient, I get an F. And it's your fault. Like a group project gone woefully awry.

I'm willing to work with you and even carry the burden of our group endeavor. But don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining. Oh, My Lady of Uncontrolled Chronic Disease, why must you torture me? You are too young for nephropathy and LVH, and you understand me because we speak in English. Yet you do not heed my sage advice.

And newFNP stayed up too late last night to be empathic newFNP to all patients today. That is a burden of the role. One must be on one's game, even when one is a crabapple. Therefore, newFNP must now toddle off to bed so as to be stellar tomorrow.

Because that patient is coming back. Balls!

No comments: