Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Undecided

Oh my God, does newFNP ever need to get her shit together.


For one, she misses clinic. She loves working at the research clinic because she has awesome colleagues. But she loves working at the community health clinic because she loves the work. (And has a handful of awesome colleagues in the midst of the wackiness.)

For two, how do ladies figure out A) if they want to have kids and B) when the hell to interrupt their very busy lives in order to do so? NewFNP is on the fence and she is also AMA. On the one hand, she sees an iPhone pic of BostonFNP holding her newborn and looking happier than quite literally ever before. On the other, she sees a thirty-something year old woman with an eviscerated perineum after a perineal wound repair dehiscence. NewFNP has a longstanding history of not inviting chaos into her personal life, yet completely acknowledges that kids are kind of a cool chaos. If only newFNP could be a dad...

For three, why in the world did newFNP consent to getting her cholesterol checked the Monday following the Christmas/birthday holiday weekend? How could newFNP, who practically survives on veggies, fruits, Omega-3 supplements and grains, have somewhat elevated triglycerides?? She'll tell you - a weekend full of shrimp dip, bagels and lox, mashed potatoes and birthday cake. NewFNP makes it a practice to completely invert her food pyramid December 24-26 and now look where that practice has landed her. Mother fuck. NewFNP hates not getting 100% on her FLP.

So it looks like newFNP has some shit to figure out this year.

Whatever... bring it.

7 comments:

DamselFish said...

There's no good time to have a kid. There are some bad times (you know, like, when you're 15), but no really good times.

And you could adopt - minimize the physical chaos while still getting the kid chaos.

Kim said...

Yeah, I wish I knew the answer to that. I don't have an overwhelming urge but at the same time have the feeling I might regret it if I don't. And virtually all my peers have now done it. But FutureRN over here has a lot of school to accomplish. I'll be 36 when I graduate. There is a lot of "the clock is ticking" happening!

But then I come back to: I don't really feel the URGE to be a mom. I want to devote too much of my resources to ME!

Anonymous said...

I am in the opposite boat. I guess you could call me newMOM. I am 32, have a 4 month old, and am now freaking about my career. I am staying at home with my little one, and since we can't afford to lose my income + pay for childcare, it seems impossible to further my education. College degree: check. Specialization, certification, licensure of any kind: nope. My doctor sister says be a teacher, but whatever you do, DO NOT BE A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER (I read your entire blog wishing to God I'd spent the last 10 yrs establishing my career in the health care field before having a family). She loves her career, but was absent for most of her son's childhood. Being a mom IS my favorite job thus far...a certain peace, happiness and understanding of life that are indescribable. You are fortunate to have an established career, and I would say if you are limited on time, focus on chitlins. You seem like you'd be a fun mom to have.

Karen said...

Decisions, decisions. Sometimes by body is some devil on my shoulder urging me to get knocked up, but I know waiting is best for me right now. It is true that no time is perfect, though. Perhaps you should consider what your reasons are for wanting little ones etc. The whole marriage and kids does tend to cramp ones style.

Anonymous said...

Your advice please. I am working full time as an NP in an oncology outpatient 40 hour/week--for $3-$5 less than what I can make as a charge/staff RN. I am contemplating working part time as an NP and go back to hospital as part-time with benefits? I love being an NP, but the pay is lagging. Thank you for your thoughts. Underpaid NP.

BostonFNP said...

Oh Doll- you most definitely have your s**t together. Much more so than many. And yes, while extremely happy that the Little Miss had made her debut into the world, the smile also reflected the joy that my contractions were over and that she was pink and breathing. After lots of talk of ventilators, it was a relief. In the past month, I have felt crazy, happy, sad, overwhelmed and overly reliant on my amazing husband to reassure me that we did the right thing all at the same time. But, that's life, right? You will make the right decision... whatever it may be. Xo.

Anonymous said...

hmmm.... mashed potatoes and birthday cake.