The inappropriate t-shirt trend has followed newFNP to the research clinic. The reach of the inappropriate t-shirt is, apparently, far and wide.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
What's up, nurses? We're fucking famous, that's what. Or maybe nursing leaders are in cahoots with the entertainment industry to make nursing appear to be a more attractive profession in the face of a horrible nursing shortage.
Posted by newFNP at 8:22 PM
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
It cannot be stressed enough - the 30th patient of the day must not - repeat not - be difficult. That patient could be clinically complicated but personally reasonable or that patient could have a "gimme" diagnosis. NewFNP's favorite is UTI, but she could go for an otitis media or a fungal derm as well.
NewFNP isn't sure how to triage for this when scheduling appointments, but if she could develop an algorithm for optimal patient scheduling that ruled out end of day challenges, she could retire and buy an S4 and some Tory Burch tunics.
As newFNP perused patient #30's chart before entering the room at 4:40 to begin said patient's complete physical, she noted that another provider had charted "PCP abuse."
PCP? NewFNP glanced at her watch. She had not, in fact, used her flux capacitor and time travelled back to 1983. It was firmly 2009. She imagined that the demand for PCP would be minimal and that this patient's dealer might have a 2-for-1 special or a sign that screamed, "PCP - no waiting!!" whereas the lines for meth and crack would loop around the block. Of course, truly, newFNP has no frigging idea about PCP procurement. And even more significantly, she has no idea about PCP addiction treatment.
So newFNP goes about the social and medical histories which, as one might imagine, were both colorful and sad, and got around to asking about the PCP. She had been smoking PCP on and off for over 20 years.
"When was the last time you used PCP?" newFNP asked?
"Well, it stays in your system for a long time," #30 replied.
Hmmmm. It's an answer, yes, but it's an answer to an entirely different question.
"Oh, OK," newFNP responded. "So about how long ago was the last time you used PCP?"
"I want to stop," #30 replied. "It's hard to be a mom."
NewFNP imagines that it is hard to be a mom and that anyone would want to stop PCP use. Still, that nagging little question was stuck in newFNP's craw. NewFNP acknowledged her patient's desire to stop and assured her that she would receive a referral to behavioral health/addiction medicine treatment. But she had to ask.
"I'm sorry but I'm still unclear as to the last time you used PCP," newFNP gently prodded.
"I told you already!" #30 exclaimed.
"I don't think you did," newFNP stated. "You told me that you wanted to stop and that PCP stays in your system for quite some time. But I don't know how long ago you used."
"A month ago," she stated, as easy as 1-2-3.
The thing about PCP is that its lore is full of horror stories - people thinking they can fly while intoxicated, people exhibiting superhuman strength, people having delusions and behaving violently. And it's an hallucinogen, a class of drugs for which there is a paucity of documented treatment modalities.
So, after a month of not using in the face of all the same life stressors as are always there, how does someone maintain abstinence?
NewFNP gave her a counseling referral and some encouragement, but that's not really enough. Unfortunately, it's all many primary care providers have to give. Mental health and addiction treatments are expensive and not adequately covered under insurance plans and certainly not under this woman's public insurance plan.
Maybe newFNP should refer people to Intervention - let Jeff or Candy give it a whirl.
Monday, May 04, 2009
NewFNP is back from her conference and - you know - nothing says 'welcome home' like a diagnostic mammogram! As she prepared for her appointment and dutifully neglected to deoderize and moisturize, she reminded herself not to worry until there was something to worry about. She arrived at her fancy-pants medical center, registered, donned the wristband and was called back to get changed.
Saturday, May 02, 2009
The last time newFNP was in New Orleans, she was 22, on a meandering cross country road trip which had such highlights as the Carlsbad Caverns, Graceland and a variety of Shoney's restaurants, and was bunking in a bright pink hotel called The Frenchmen.