Monday, December 01, 2008

This little piggy stayed the hell home!

It's getting to be the holiday season and newFNP is sure that, like herself, there are many ladies who would like to get spiffed up for the festivities.

In order to be spiff and shiny, newFNP ordered herself some Kama Ayurveda Miraculous Beauty Fluid (an ayurvedic treasure) and some Lippman Collection Bitches Brew nail lacquer.   Highlights aside, newFNP is a practitioner of DIY beauty.  And though newFNP is loyal to her Retin-A for its utilitarian anti-aging/anti-acne benefits, she is a big lover of the rich, luscious facial serum.

You see, newFNP wants to look pretty pretty, but she does not want to spend tons of dough on comedone extractions and she does not want to go to the nail salon.  And why?  For one, in the world of beauty treatments, isn't a mani-pedi a bit of a rip off?  Especially a manicure - if you are washing your hands all damned day, that $20 mani is shot to hell by patient number 7.  For two, newFNP is super ticklish.  For others, a pedicure is an exercise in relaxation.  For newFNP, it's something that the CIA used to ban.  

But even more importantly, newFNP is simply fearful of having toenail fungus.  When she is 70 years old and her eyes are so bad that she can no longer see her long lady toes, fine.  Toenail fungus it is.  But newFNP is not giving up just yet.

NewFNP sees a lot of funky feet at work.  She overcame her hesitation of peering for areas of maceration between moist toes, freed of their sweaty poly-blend socks and work shoes.  She regularly assesses the dorsalis pedis pulses and is only mildly skeeved by the moist warmth of foot flesh.  

And everyone has onychomycosis.  The odds of finding a full set of normal toenails is somewhere in the ballpark of the odds of winning the Powerball.

Furthermore, newFNP remains scarred by her experience as a young public health professional when an epidemic of cutaneous tuberculosis was traced to a local nail salon and their recirculated water bowls.  Not good.  Not pretty.  Not healthy.  

So for this holiday season, newFNP recommends stocking up on your own favorite beauty treatment and some DIY nail care supplies - scented oil, hot water, a basin, some orange sticks, cuticle trimmers if you're into that sort of thing, a nail buff and nail lacquer.  

Keep those little piggies fungus and TB free!

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