Monday, August 11, 2008

Phone-y baloney

There are maybe two cell-phone conversations which newFNP would like to overhear.  

One goes like this, "Hey Brad Pitt, this is George Clooney calling.  I am absolutely awestruck by the beauty and witty repartee that I have been enjoying with this lovely NP sitting in front of me.  I do believe that I shall fly her to Lake Como on my private jet and bed her."

The other may be something along the lines of, "What - they are giving away free flattering Theory trousers and cashmere sweaters at Bloomingdales at exactly 5:00 today?!?!"

What newFNP does not want to hear is your bullshit whatever conversation while she is attempting to get a health history on your two-year old kid during his physical exam appointment.

Can you hear newFNP now?  Hang up your goddamn phone!!!

For a solitary in-exam-room-phone-pick-up that is quickly ended with the words, "I can't talk now -- the newFNP is in the room," newFNP grants you a pass, but is nonetheless displeased.

After the second, third and fourth times, newFNP believes you to be unacceptably disrespectful.  During the fourth call, as the patient's mother was repeating an 800-number and credit-card number to the woman on the other end of her phone, newFNP exited the room, stating that she would return when the mother was more ready for the exam.  As she opened the door to leave, she overheard the mother stating, "Look - you made the newFNP leave" to the person on the other end.

Come again?  The woman who called - not knowing that the mother of the patient was in the exam room - bears responsibility?  No, ma'am.  

Sorry, sister, but one is not obligated to pick up the stupid phone while the provider is in the exam room.  In fact, one should be obligated to put the damn thing on vibrate or turn the fucking thing off after the first time it disrupts the clinic visit.

For the love of all that is holy, how do people not know this?  


akfnp said...

nothing pisses me off more than having someone pick up the phone during an exam. theres only a mild amount of satisfaction in turning heel in the middle of an assessment and striding out saying "let me know when you're done." slamming the door.
stupid people.
i really enjoy your blog, and although working in suburban alaska (try and figure that one out....) is no place like an urban clinic- i feel every ounce of your pain. hope the grass is greener at the new digs.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain! I have walked out on or given an evil eye or an eye roll to more than one patient or parent who has any thought of answering a ringing cell phone or actually answer one during a clinic visit. It is disrespetable. I wonder how some people do anything but talk on the cell phone some days when they can't go an entire 15 min clinic visit without talking on the phone. I feel popular when I have 2-3 phone calls in a day...and some people have 2-3 phone calls during a 15 min clinic visit. Unbelievable.

Anonymous said...


MN ANP said...

GYN rotation in grad school--obese woman, can't find the cervix, kneeling on the floor with my preceptor trying to locate it. Patient on her cell phone, laughing hysterically, relaying all the events of the great cervix hunt to "Daddy", who is apparently enjoyed hearing every detail about the Pap. "They just can't find it!!" Ewww.

BostonFNP said...

Our dear, dear receptionist spent 2 weeks printing out bright blue laminated posters that request that patients turn off their cell phones when with their providers (she did have "with your doctor" which I protested quickly) and STILL people feel that speaking to their best girlfriend about where they are planning to go tanning after the appointment is more important than their ever growing genital warts. Seriously, figure out your priorities, please.