NewFNP is reading an article about burnout and she sees herself in it far too frequently.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
She feels like an utter failure. NewFNP hasn't really ever given up on something, but she is so relieved that she is giving up on her community health practice. And she is so ashamed to feel such relief.
But she is snapping at staff members (irritability) , she feels burdened by patients (frustration) and notices that she feels less compassion in the exam room at times (apathy), she dreads going to work (despair).
In retrospect, she should have taken more vacation. But she has coping mechanisms and she uses them. They just don't work anymore (emotional exhaustion).
To newFNP, that all screams failure and the cumulative effect is breaking newFNP's heart. This is not how she wants to behave and feel.
Two more weeks. Hope springs eternal for newFNP -- she hopes that when she is working part-time, she won't be such a huge asshole. Can she just stay in bed for the first two days of her two-week vacation? Can her friends and family gather at her bedside and bring her Lucky Charms? Will a facial and a peel brighten her outlook?
NewFNP hopes so, because she wants the old newFNP back.