Advice

NewFNP is here to tell you that there are simple ways in which to ensure that your visit to your doctor, nurse practitioner, midwife or physician assistant runs smoothly. NewFNP is not able to say whether these tips extend to the more holistic professions, let's say one's acupuncturist or colon hydrotherapist, but she is sure that some of them will be applicable.

1) Schedule your appointment early in the morning. This is helpful for a variety of reasons. First, your provider will likely be on time or only marginally behind. Second, it is easy to be compassionate at 8:30 in the morning - that is, of course, if your provider is compassionate to begin with as newFNP likes to fancy herself. Like it or not, even the best provider wants to go home on time so avoid the 4:30 appointment slot unless you only need a Retin-A refill and have absolutely no complaints whatsoever.

2) Avoid using a harsh tone with the front desk staff and saying things such as "You all are fucking retards!" or "I am fucking pissed!" or even "This is bullshit!" That kind of language will not help your case and may earn you the title of "difficult patient." Let's face it, shall we, if you are throwing the F-bomb at a receptionist, you are a difficult patient and your clinician will know that you were rude to her staff. In practices other than newFNP's, this type of behavior might just get you escorted out the door and fired from the practice. But, no, not in newFNP's clinic. Bring on the verbal abuse! We'll see you anyway. Of course, newFNP does not assume that her readers would engage in such behavior, but offers this advice merely to file away as an FYI.

3) Smile when your provider enters the room. NewFNP tries to smile at every patient in order to tip the encounter in the direction of "pleasant" rather than "emotionally draining." A little smile, like a little hot sex or Comito Mojitos, goes a long way in making one's day more enjoyable.