Wednesday, September 20, 2006


NewFNP hates to repeat herself, but it is tough to deny that the shit that comes out of a kid's mouth can brighten one's day.

A little background. NewFNP is averaging 30.3 patients per day this week. This is a fact that would give her CEO a big boner but makes newFNP want to stab her eye with a used needle, repeatedly. NewFNP is looking in every corner of every room for the silver lining, but newFNP is fed up. One might even say that newFNP is fucking fed up.

So thank goodness for little miracles, right? And it is unusual in newFNP's life that miracles take the form of fat 9-year olds, but it seems as though miracles do indeed work mysteriously.

This chunky guy was midway through his physical when newFNP instructed him to lie down for the old abdominal exam. Reclined comfortably, he closed his eyes, stretched and sighed, "Ahhhhh, I knew this day would finally come......" He was so serene and sincere, as though he had stepped into the day spa. Or did this patient think he had stubled upon the Best Little Whorehouse in Anonymous Urban Center?

As his mom, older sister and newFNP were chuckling, this Hugh Hefner protoge continued. "I knew that one day I would be here and be examined thoroughly." Now, newFNP knows that this little kid did not intend for his comment to sound creepy or weird - let alone pornographic - and he probably didn't even intend for it to be humorous. But he indeed did receive a thorough exam and is off to urology as a result. Did his big genital fat pad eat his testes or were they never descended to begin with? That is for Dr. Penis to decide.

There was a distinct lack of awesome little kid comments today, however. NewFNP could go for one tomorrow. NewFNP could also go for a day with 20 patients, a new Miu Miu handbag and some raspberry-colored Marc Jacob's patent leather wedges. Alas, newFNP thinks that the wedges are a more achievable desire than is a light clinic day.


Nurse Practitioners Save Lives said...

That the kid made that kind of comment is sad but kind of creepy. I guess it shows how kids are trained by the media to be so sexually charged. Besides the way that the media portrays female healthcare workers. Aren't we all just trying to get into our patients pants with the naughty nurse persona??

PsychNP2B said...

OMG!!! I still can't stop laughing!