Saturday, August 19, 2006

Scoot down

Quite frankly, newFNP does not understand how it is that women who have had many children, who have had prior pelvic exams, and who are in their 30's & 40's do not understand that they need to scoot that shit down in order for newFNP to do a pap. NewFNP feels a bit akin to Hannibal Lector as she repeats, "Closer. Closer, please. Closer." Imagine, if you will, a woman on the exam table, feet in the stirrups, legs fully-extended. What do they expect newFNP to do? Shimmy up on the table with them in order to get a peek at their cervices? And why is it when newFNP instructs them to move closer to the edge that they inch their way down the table? Is there an epidemic of women falling from the exam table - ass first, feet a-tangled in stirrups - that has these women stricken with fear about scooting? Ay ay ay.

4 comments:

Jen said...

women suck at scooting, because it totally sucks to scoot. In the ED, I just tell em to "scoot until you feel like you will fall off, but I promise you won't".
The other day I had a woman who refused to scoot back after the pelvic exam until the doctor left the room. poor girl.

Nurse Practitioners Save Lives said...

I hate to scoot as well. I haven't fallen off the table yet. "Oh the indignity of it all!"

"Loving Pecola" said...

Oh man I just found you and I am so psyched that I did! LMAO I am in school to be CNM, but also surrounded by folks who will be FNPs so it's great to read about your experiences. And I just had to say that I can totally hear myself thinking things exactly like this! And it's funny cuz u know u can't say it, but boy do you want to!

Anonymous said...

Well, as a guy who has been in the stirrups I sure understand the indignity of "the scoot". adds insult to injury but it is necessary. Just not natural to do when the scooting forces your legs open. So be kind to the scooters!