OK, listen. There are many difficult situations which newFNP must control in the course of a work week. These include, but are not limited to, the following quotes from patients and/or clinical experiences from last week:
- 'I stopped taking my Benadryl because it makes my eyes hurt.'
- 'My cholesterol medicine makes my throat hurt.'
- 'My hernia [umbilical] is hurting and I didn't go to my ultrasound appointment, nor did I call to cancel or change the date.' This is a paraphrase. This same patient also told me that she felt "little balls" on her abdomen. Yeah, sister, that is called cellulite. Tummy cellulite. Now goodbye.
- 'All I eat are fruits and vegetables.' Hmmm.... 276 pounds and a glucose of 350, all from those dastardly fruits and vegetables? Perhaps newFNP is approaching diabetes care all wrong.
- Let's see, what else: fat kid, fat kid, fat kid, kid with possible ocular tumor, fat kid with hypertension, primagravida with a fetal ultrasound too devastating to describe, fat kid, hugely fat adult.... you get the picture.
NewFNP has lost her palm pilot. The son of a bitch is gone, along with ePocrates, Kid-O-Meter, BMI Calculator, 10 year risk assessments, my hairdresser's phone number, my facialist's phone number and a plethora of other useful information. NewFNP has a new PDA on the way but misses her piece of crap Clie.
Sony Clie, wherever you are, newFNP loves you.