Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The three D's

NewFNP apologizes for the recent silence, but she has moved (homes, not clinics) and is just settling in to her new place. Ahhhh.... home sweet apartment home.


NewFNP must have previously noted how patients' chief complaints come in waves. One day it's nothing but pap smears - one vag after another. The only difference is the amount of hair. You might be surprised to know that a 250-pound woman has the flexibility to get a Brazilian but they do! The next day, one might be swimming in abscesses and chalazions. Frankly, it's uncanny - do newFNP's patients all know each other and coordinate their visits? Perhaps they figure that newFNP will really be on her game if they all come for the same thing on the same day. Suckers!

So newFNP just had the diabetes and depression day. Some patients even had both. Now, newFNP is no expert on either, but can manage each effectively in the primary care setting. NewFNP admits that she is a little dodgy when it comes to changing for oral hypoglycemics to insulin, but she has no fear regarding starting an adult patient with depression on an SSRI. But one after the frigging other for eight hours? Fucking hell. NewFNP thinks of her mental health colleagues and is so thankful that there are people in this world who can address these sometimes debilitating depression cases. Because newFNP sure as hell cannot during her 15 minutes. The diabetes/depression day is not a rewarding one for newFNP. It just doesn't make for a fun clinic day.

That is until newFNP was rewarded for her diabetes/depression diligence with The Third D: Dookie. Now, newFNP is no stranger to euphemisms for the act of moving one's bowels. She generally, however, reserves 'dookie' for elementary school students and not for 38-year old men. NewFNP truly attempts to be professional during her visits with patients, but then someone says something like this, "Yeah, I used to dookie like 3 or 4 times a day, but now I maybe dook once. Maybe twice, but I used to dookie a lot." All that newFNP heard was "dookie, dook, dook, dookie, dook." Oh, it was awesome. NewFNP was biting the inside of her lip in order not to start laughing.

The Dook. NewFNP will never forget him.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have noticed that "cc's" come in waves too! It is not problem when its sore throat after sore throat. But then when everyone wtih anal warts just happen to come in all on the same day...let's just say on those days I leave the clinic and all I can smell is dookie ;)